plow

Yesterday was the last day of our YWAM East Coast conference. It's an amazing experience, sitting in a room with 200 hundred like-minded individuals. At times i would just sit there and listen to the sound of the saints proclaiming the glory of our King. And in those moments i could hear Him say, it's a beautiful sound, isn't it? Man, what a thought, He delights in us. Those precious moments we spend, face to face, with Him. A fellow Nashvillian and dear friend, Dave Buehring, was here as our guest speaker. I have known Dave for a little over a year now, and It has been a privilege to walk with such a godly leader during these seasons of change, growth, and new levels of faith. But i will admit that these conferences drain me to the core.. physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

With the conference over, i am starting to get more details nailed down with our outreach. And in preparing for this time to come, i have never felt so much spiritual warfare. Satan is pulling out the big guns for this one, and there are moments when i feel i have all the strength in the world, and others that i feel like i cannot do anything else but weep. The last few weeks have been full of beauty and pain, lies and truths, learning discernment and love. The day before i got the phone call about praying to return to Charlotte, God gave me a scripture passage. It's one that i thought had to deal with a certain decision i was making that day, but i now know that He was giving it to me for this season of life, and He is constantly bringing me back to it. So i have looked up the passage in different versions and the way these two are worded hit home for me.

James 1: 2-5 New Living Translation
Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:2-5 The Message
2-4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

5 If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought

my life, all its beauty and ugliness is being forced into the open. There is no other way for me to explain what is happening other than, God is taking the soil in my heart and preparing it for the harvest. Which is a lovely thing to think about, but how laborious and exhausting it is when one is being tilled and plowed. At times i feel like the plowing keeps going deeper and deeper. and deeper. uprooting all that could interfere. which takes me to new levels of faith,strength and wisdom only obtained in moments where i let go and let God work.

i am in the midst of a beautiful process, where trials come from every angle and joy abounds because God knows what He is doing in me.

beautiful shoes feet

do you know what excites me most about this photograph? the feet. these feet have traveled to far off places (16 to be exact) sharing God's love. And in a few weeks, they will set out again. i am truly blessed to be surrounded by such beautiful humans. Often times i take for granted the place i am in right now, both relationally and geographically.

i am constantly surrounded by a community who loves, and loves deeply. i must cherish these moments more often.

my family does a fabulous job at keeping all pictures up to date. it helps me feel as if i am not missing out on all the growth happening.

true fact: children do grow like weeds and it sucks not witnessing it first hand.

last night i was searching through a plethora (like that word so much) of photographs that my sister, so graciously, spent all night uploading for her homesick-demanding sister. i came across the lovely at the top of this page and i could not click to move on. i was captured. (she) was captured. (her) moment was captured.

i can hear the belly laughs and shouts of joy. the soft crunch of dead leaves and bare feet colliding together. the sudden pause of it all.
silence
deep thought
her thoughts have taken her a million miles away from bare feet and belly laughs. what is it that has captured her mind?

i could not click past the photograph. i am smacked in the face by the reality that i am not physically present in their lives, and my involvement in their day to day lives is what i see captured by film. moments were questions abound, i cannot ask but only dream of.

photographs like these send my heart into a deeper place of overwhelming love and sadness.

play again..and again..and again

i have hit the 'Play Again' button ten times this morning.

unqualified

In a very real sense not one of us is qualified, but it seems that God continually chooses the most unqualifiedm we tend to think that we have done the job ourselves. If we are forced to accept our evident lack of qualification, then there's no danger that we will confuse God's work with our own, or God's glory with our own.

insert from Glimpses of Grace pg. 192

this echoes through my mind daily.

Tennessee=Loves

Tennessee is were all the people i love reside. And this morning, i long to embrace all those things Tennessee holds.

Secrets revealed in 5.4.3.2.1...

it's officially official, i am leading the outreach team to India. When i came back to Charlotte, i knew that this was a possibility, but not until is was actually announced did the emotions hit me.
There are moments when i feel like a whirlwind is bustling around inside me, bringing thoughts of excitement, hope, and growth. But along in the tossing winds is fear and the weight of responsibility, with a million little questions sneaking in between the gust of rushing winds. And even slight sounds of laughter, as i think of God's humor and my naivety.

six girls, one boy, and myself.

boarding a plane, heading to a place with daily tea times, foreign languages, spicy foods, exuberant colors, and gorgeous people. my heart is happy to return to such beauty. Excitement, hope and joy come from these things.
it's the thousands of miles and multiple land masses that divide me and all i know, that bring questions and fear. mentors, family members, and ceramic coffee mugs. all things comfortable to me (yes, ceramic coffee mugs are more convenient then the metal ones used in India). But these miles represent growth, strength, and faith in the God we serve. So this fear i feel is a healthy one, one of total reliance on Him.

i am in a beautiful season of life. learning to receive and give with hands open, holding onto nothing that crosses my path.